resolutions

The New Year’s Resolution That Gave Me One of the Best Years Ever!!

I know New Year’s Resolutions are getting a bad rap lately. The inability to keep your resolution can bring you down a disappointing spiral and the feeling of failure makes having a resolution counterintuitive. Orrrr it just completely slips your mind come February. 

I believe it’s important to have some sense of direction when you’re creating a life of happiness. But I also understand that at times setting goals creates unwarranted pressures, especially if you don’t follow through with them.

Regardless of the apprehension, I actually made a resolution in 2019 that changed my life for the better! But before I divulge - here’s some back story. 

Almost three years ago, I left a job I truly loved. It was like going through a break-up because I spent years committed to working hard hoping there was a future only to find out the relationship was never really reciprocated. It’s devastating to find out you were never really valued the way you thought you were. I spent five years as your typical “job comes first” person (my husband is very understanding and patient). I had something to prove in a male-dominated industry and I was going to work and work and work until I was “successful”. Little did I know that despite my hard work, I was dispensable. So when I left, it was truly heartbreaking. 

The most important thing to understand is that all those actions above were all my doing. It was completely on me. I chose to be that person. It was no one else’s fault that I essentially enabled the relationship. So like all break-ups, after you come out of it, you realize it was the best thing that could’ve happened to you!

In my time of moving on, the friends and family that always came second to my work were by my side. I was so grateful for their support, but I felt this enormous amount of guilt from all the years that I said no to plans, flaked on them last minute, or just my inability to be present because I HAD to answer an email or be on my computer. 

It was when I reconnected with my best friend Yasmine and seeing her daughter who I’ve known since she was born, now suddenly a full-grown adolescent did I grasp how much I had missed out on. 

I was devoted to making things right, so in 2019, I resolved to be a better friend. To show the people I love that they were important to me. 

It took small actionable items like setting down my phone at a meal to more substantial action items like scheduling trips to see friends who lived out of town. I worked on following through with plans to meet up, even if it meant it was passed my bedtime on a Sunday. Every time I had a random thought about someone, I made a point to send them a quick text to say hello and let them know I missed them. I wanted to create these new habits because it was important to me that the people in my life knew they mattered to me. Not by my words, but by my actions; big or small.

As a result, 2019 was one of THE best times I’ve had in a very long time. It was undeniably my most authentic year and I attribute that to being around people who I truly love where the love is indeed reciprocated. I’ve laughed the most. I’ve hugged the most. I’ve said the most “I love you”s and it’s been the most fulfilled I have ever felt. 

It’s not to say that I no longer work hard because I do! Especially now that I run my own business, I would say I work extra hard. But, I’ve stopped defining myself and my worth through work. And no matter how much I love my work and what I do, the relationships with the people I love should never suffer for it. 

And by no means was I the perfect friend this year. I’m sure there’s someone reading this now thinking “hey, she totally canceled on me that day!” The point is I’m way better than I was the years before and I’ll continue to make an ongoing effort. 

So resolutions are possible! They just have to be meaningful to you. Saying you want to lose 5lbs doesn’t carry as much weight (no pun intended) as say, setting a goal to be healthier so you can walk your daughter down the aisle. They also have to include actionable items with intention. Sometimes a resolution is just the kick-start you need to help you become better not just for the year, but for the rest of your life. I know for sure I can’t go back to the way it was and I wouldn’t have known that if I didn’t set my initial goal earlier this year. 

So, what’s your 2020 resolution going to be??